the buoy.

"The lines on the boat are placed for the individual preferences of the solo sailor.
I put them to my right side so that I could easily switch hands on the rudder and I seemed to have better traction with my feet as I leaned into pulley to tighten the sail." he said.....

The question was; "how do you situate the control lines on a small boat like that to give you control of the sails from the stern?."

His name was Peter Fisher; he was 84 years young; he was my patient since January; one of my first.

My philosophy has been to put a patient at ease by finding a common ground of experience and to place them in a position of mentor ship with me, so that the service I provide is less duty and more of an exchange of equals.

I had worked years ago at the Newport sailing club for the summer of 1986. I learned enough about sailing to be conversational and to understand the principals of the sport. We both Knew Newport harbor and this became our common ground. On Monday, Wednesday, and Friday between 8 and 930 we would talk about sailing and Greece and England and do what was necessary to preserve his health and continuity.

I would come with a question each day. That was my question on Friday. He taught me more about sailing that day and warned me that I should never get beyond the sound of the buoy if there were clouds to the east as I left the harbor at Newport.
I promised that I would not.

He said each buoy made a distinctive sound and even in dense fog you could find your way back if you could hear it.

When I arrived at their home this morning I was instantly aware that something was wrong; and upon entering I found that today's question would go unanswered.....

Paramedics, Police, Doctor's to sign documents,All this while sitting with his lovely wife and talking. Arrangements were made I did all I could do then I knew it was time to go,wishing her well I left....

I was fine.....until I left.
This was a new experience for me. and i am afraid i was not at all prepared.

several phone calls.....people stood to help me....


my regional supervisor gave me the rest of the day off. she said that I would be fine in a few days. she said "It's like being in a fog; that will mercifully lift soon." yeah she called that one right.....

So I am listening for the buoy....

clear sailing Pete, clear sailing....

making contact.

It's funny,

I don't think about it much but then again I do.

There is so much to know and to talk about and life moves so fast that you don't often say what needs to be said when it is in the moment to. It is to easy to miss important opportunities in the fear you might say the wrong thing.

I don't like to talk to people much unless I know them well. I can try to be funny, but humor is a shield. If you are misunderstood you can be excused, because it was to be funny. That is a little cowardly, it's true.

We seldom just say what crosses our mind because our filters are up, and I am not saying they should not be... but it does prevent us from making contact with others, that is also true.

Those who say what crosses their mind are either young, old, or crazy (in my case all three). Yet these people can reach out and make contact with others magnificently.

They can do this because they are given the time by the patient and wise to sort out what is being said in both directions.

Why should it be odd to misspeak or need a do over in our conversations.

It is hard to give, but it shouldn't be....
We all need it, but seldom get it, and we should.

Everyone should get three bright red "do over" cards a day. we hand them to each other at the appropriate moment in a conversation.

And if somebody ends up at the end of the week with far more than his share of cards, he will get a shock collar put on him that will hit him with 25000 volts only for five seconds or so, if he is cheating by being silent for ten consecutive minutes. We gotta keep those "listeners" from feeling superior...

And if those in Washington D.C. have silenced more than 10% of the population because they borrow to many.....then they get get a "special" shock collar....one that will cause premature release of bodily waste....
and we will give the remote control for them over to chimpanzee's trained to push three individual buttons arbitrary every ten minutes...

can i get an AMEN!